Brought on by serious sleep deprivation and functioning on about an hour and a half sleep, I spent a good deal of today’s training session feeling rather sorry for myself. Just after the 10km turn around, I looked at my time. I was slower than usual, slower than I wanted to be. I decided that I was an idiot for trying to do a full 20km while functioning on so little sleep. I told myself that the goal of today’s ride was just to get through it. Screw trying to improve on anything because it just wasn’t going to happen and I wallowed. I wallowed in the fact that it has been cool and windy and I was tired of fighting against the wind while cycling uphill. I felt sorry for myself that my calf muscle feels incredibly tight and no matter what I do I can’t seem to get it to release. I sulked because my friend was over to the cottage for a run on Sunday and she talked about how she had been steadily improving and yet I seem to be consistent and stuck. (How come she’s improving and I’m getting no better…maybe even getting worse!) I was annoyed that so many of the vehicles on the highway were riding close to the white line separating me from them (big jerks driving in their own lane). I resigned myself to the fact that the amount of time I spent fighting to training on the hills wasn’t going to give me a good “advantage” after all because I still couldn’t get up them any faster. Hell, I even pitied myself because my nose was itchy and I couldn’t get a hand off the handle bars to scratch it (I eventually did and what I relief that was!!). I had done some reading while my insomnia took over and had found a way to get up the hills faster by visualizing it in smaller chunks instead of an overwhelming hill (just get to that sign…good…now that post….good…) but in my head it just wasn’t working. . But wouldn’t you know it…somewhere in the middle of my pity party, I was so distracted that I didn’t notice the pain in my legs or the fact that I was moving at a reasonable speed up the “hill from hell”….and then in happened…. I saw two cyclists up ahead of me and realized that I might just be gaining on them and as I came around the final bend I looked at my phone and wouldn’t you know it….When that 20km mark hit, it was my fastest time so far: 44 mins and 41 seconds. Go figure. I guess sometimes a little frustration isn’t a bad thing. Time to end the pity party for today.